The kind of come out I had in front of my parents

Thu, Mar 26th, 2020 @ 8:41:39 AM   Coming out stories    19    0   

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On a certain working day in my career as a bank employee a messenger asked me if I was a lesbian. Much earlier he had been a schoolmaster but he left that job for something else than paedophilia. Earlier that morning next to my friend on the train I saw one of the classifiers where I worked watching in my direction. He stood between the crowd nearer to the doors or exit.

‘suppose when I admit he passes here before my desk every morning for the report of my latest love night’ I thought by myself. That’s something I hate and also I was a single parent continuously anxious to loose my job. Thus I said “no” with maybe the logical consequences at the end of the day. Suddenly I had so many questions and especially I wanted to confess her that I had denied it. I ended that relationship because she didn’t leave any space for me to update what we told already about ourselves to one another. That day after work I had been invited to meet her parents who didn’t say a word during the whole supper together. There was also her red hairy daughter, one year older that my son Samuel who lived from the 3th september 1975 to the 9th of August 2005. She told me she was divorced. I still remember the reaction of her mother when we came downstairs but always completely without words. There was something particular about her. I had understood that she worked at the government or else that was my imagination. When she arrived in Central Station in Brussels, our appointment place, she resembled more a college boy dressed in black, with pantalon and a briefcase under the arm. Me also wore a lot of black and also one of my school girlfriends but I stopped that after I had heard
it was the color of the contesting intellectual. I was too bad for studies at university. Period.

During the years that followed I felt sick. I always slept worse. My dad was someone who always denied my illnesses especially or better exclusively ordinary flus. When I appeared at the breakfast table he got furious because I really looked ill and then he sent me back to my bed.
I had nearly forgotten my little son’s birthday but after my parents reminded me to that I went to the store and came back with a telephone I gave in his hands. My dad reproached me I had really pushed it in his hands. Also I stayed away from home and lodged in a reception center. Then I had to appear before both my parents where probably my dad burst out in tears again or in any case he wanted to know what the heck was going on with me. I didn’t have any real girlfriend, I just arrived in bed with some females a couple of times. I asked my mother if she would mind me to be lesbian.
But she answered “by no means” as if we were just talking about something more important. Only what?

Later I must have been victim of donating blood on my former job because on a certain day I arrived in psychiatry where an internist said that she really couldn’t find any other cause for my anemia. Twice I hadn’t taken my iron pills.
I just imitated my father who had got his decoration after 30 years.

 

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